Well. I don’t know if anyone reads this old blog anymore, but 14 months is a long time to be between posts. Fourteen months, however, isn’t the longest that I’ve gone between personal pieces of writing. The longest was probably the few years between the last journal entry I made as an unmarried twenty-something and the creation of this blog. I wrote for leisure/interest and for work in the meantime, but it wasn’t personal.
The past 14 months have been hard to condense into words, however, even though I have had moments in which I could have written something. Because, you know, everything has changed: L was born (it was a complicated, bittersweet experience); J and N filed for divorce; our entire view of Christianity has been overturned and I am still struggling with the paradigm shift; we thought we found a safe community to set down roots in, but were recently suddenly, shockingly and massively disappointed and have decided to move on; I discovered, just in the past couple of weeks, that there is a name for my long-term emotional and psychological trouble (C-PTSD, Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Also we had our local Parliamentary Elections, and there have been various Things happening around the world.
There’s been so much swirling around in my head that I haven’t been able to quieten myself down enough to try to write. Now, though, I feel like I can breathe a little, and it’s high time I made a real effort to sit down and sort things out and process them properly. Writing is going to be a big part of it, if only as a way to keep track of things at first. I’m far from being capable of elucidative expositions or descriptive flair at the moment – but I’ll be back, never fear!
I will state this for clarity, though, if anyone cares – my new understanding of my faith has completely rendered my earlier notes and pending articles a no-go. I’m having to examine my understanding of the scriptures from scratch, which isn’t fun, but which is necessary, especially since it is going to directly affect my parenting of L and any future sibling(s).
Here’s to new beginnings!